Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret