I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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