His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver