Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.