I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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