were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize