I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
