I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
