He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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