Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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