god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
