dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
