Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
