then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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