So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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