I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
