i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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