Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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