I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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