I'm going to jail i love you
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
