If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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