now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
