I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
