He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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