If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
