I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
