cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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