i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We need to get me chipped asap
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
