why didn't you poke me back
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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