I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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