ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.