I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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