i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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