Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.

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  (516): My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday. http://tfl.nu/iu5d
  Replies (8) Good night (2660) Bad night (1092)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks

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  (772): Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/26ja
  Replies (4) Good night (2911) Bad night (655)
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  (760): View more from California

  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

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  (760): genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex http://tfl.nu/ckcw
  Replies (33) Good night (3441) Bad night (1498)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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  (330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4
  Replies (15) Good night (3628) Bad night (897)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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  (603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w
  Replies (17) Good night (2229) Bad night (3376)
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  (516): View more from New York

  It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away

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  (516): It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away http://tfl.nu/5rgp
  Replies (4) Good night (1922) Bad night (914)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.

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  (248): Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins. http://tfl.nu/7yz7
  Replies (2) Good night (1647) Bad night (945)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.

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  (910): He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today. http://tfl.nu/xbxf
  Replies (5) Good night (1128) Bad night (1795)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS

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  (336): MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS http://tfl.nu/4mur
  Replies (7) Good night (1779) Bad night (519)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.

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  (540): Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes. http://tfl.nu/qx0i
  Replies (11) Good night (1465) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future

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  (954): i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future http://tfl.nu/c3ju
  Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (392)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.

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  (845): Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show. http://tfl.nu/ezu8
  Replies (2) Good night (867) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?

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  (513): So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night. (1-513): Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though? http://tfl.nu/ren0
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.

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  (920): Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick. http://tfl.nu/e29r
  Replies (2) Good night (220) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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  (408): I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes. http://tfl.nu/ob7s
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (201)

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