Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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(540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse

Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (443)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

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(314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4

Replies (104) Good night (9162) Bad night (652)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

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(262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum

Replies (36) Good night (10619) Bad night (880)
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(347): View more from New York

i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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(347): i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours http://tfl.nu/3wc8

Replies (33) Good night (4344) Bad night (1712)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

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(603): I forgot how few teeth there are in this state... http://tfl.nu/03va

Replies (34) Good night (1026) Bad night (4504)
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(415): View more from California

SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

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(415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig

Replies (26) Good night (4434) Bad night (1038)
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(513): View more from Ohio

im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know

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(513): im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know http://tfl.nu/k4xw

Replies (11) Good night (3673) Bad night (1684)
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(815): View more from Illinois

walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.

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(815): walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/3jcw

Replies (5) Good night (2339) Bad night (1011)
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(773): View more from Illinois

after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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(773): after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown http://tfl.nu/azzf

Replies (7) Good night (793) Bad night (1196)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.

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(920): I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs. http://tfl.nu/adoe

Replies (7) Good night (2220) Bad night (610)
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(419): View more from Ohio

They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.

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(419): They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that. http://tfl.nu/gjrr

Replies (11) Good night (4775) Bad night (649)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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(815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky

Replies (5) Good night (714) Bad night (259)
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(253): View more from Washington

My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY

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(253): My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY http://tfl.nu/47h0

Replies (3) Good night (235) Bad night (389)
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(775): View more from Nevada

This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar

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(775): This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar http://tfl.nu/olfy

Replies (5) Good night (319) Bad night (870)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.

(1-205): View more from Alabama

I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy

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(205): Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies. (1-205): I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy http://tfl.nu/dpsc

Replies (4) Good night (283) Bad night (130)

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