Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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