I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
