There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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