i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
