Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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