I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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