Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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