I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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