so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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