I cockslap morals
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
