We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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