do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
