i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
