Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
