Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There are leaves in my underwear?
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