who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
