your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
