K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
