dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
