So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
