the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
