you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
