So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
