does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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