he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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