Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
