if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
