Do you still have your period?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
