I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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