You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
