gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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