They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's intense
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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