Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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