i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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