I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
