Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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