I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
