how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
