My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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