It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
