This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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