I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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