i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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