He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize