Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
