my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
