She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
