Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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