I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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