i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
