Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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