Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
